Hmmm, I still have your original text saved to my hard drive, I can always go thru it again and explicitly mark where I made changes and send it back to you.

If it isn`t too much work, I`d be totally grateful for that because I try to see where I went wrong and not make the same mistakes again. Rather I make new ones. :)
And punctuation, especially commas are still my enemy. I used to put in too little, now I fear it`s too many. So I`m trying to memorize the rules right now.

And I still haven`t figured out when to use simple past tense and when to switch into "had done..." territory. Especially when a character reflects on past events in the middle of a "normal" ongoing scene. It`s so frustrating when I`m in the writing flow and have to stop because I suddenly think about grammar. :/